20 Ways of Killing Yugi
by Phoenix II
Summary: We kill Yugi 20 times. 'Nuff said. Coauthored by Yugi H8rPhoenix III. Yugi lvrs and flamahs stay back!
1. Chapter 1

**20 Ways of Killing Yugi!**

Disclaimer: We hate Yugi. That's why we're killing him. We don't own him, unfortunately, or else he'd be dead WAY more times than 20 :D

Summary: Basically, we kill Yugi 20 times. And just wait and see who kills him! reloaded and reformatted

The first way of Killing Yugi.

Yugi walked into the Amusement Park and headed for the loop-de-loop roller coaster. Little did he know the unpleasant surprise that awaited him.

"Hello, little boy. Let me adjust your seat restraint," said the operater of the ride, who was Seto Kaiba in disguise.

" Uhh. . .OK!" said Yugi happily,wanting to go through the loops.

Kaiba took off the bolts on the premisis of making the restraint fit better.

" Ok, now let me refasten them," he said. But instead of doing that, he made squeaky noises and put the bolts into his pocket.

" There you go lad, you're all fastened in."

Kaiba then walked to the controls for the coaster, grinning madly. He picked up a microphone to make the opening announcement.

" Please make sure all hands and feet are kept in the car at all times, and do not grab your safety harnesses. The first loop will be slow, but the rest will have you screamin'! Have a nice ride!"

Kaiba pushed the Big Red Button that said 'Start'. The ride slowly moved off and approached the first loop.

" Wheeeeeeee!" said Yugi.

The roller coaster went into the loop and at the top Yugi falls out.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" he yelled, before hitting the ground with a splat.

Kaiba ran away laughing maniacally. Marik went to the splattered Yugi and picked up the Millenium Puzzle.

" MINE! BWHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled the evil spirit of the Rod. Yugi just lay there dead.

Notes: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I love being evil! Next time Yugi comes to an even worse end!


	2. Chapter 2

20 Ways of Killing Yugi part 2 

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Isn't that good enough?**

One day Yugi was in the neighborhood and thought that he'd drop by Kaiba Corp. and visit Seto.

One of Kaiba's security guards entered his office and reported " Sir, there is a little boy approaching the main gate."

" What?" exclaimed Seto, " Let me see. Hmmmmm, it seems as though little Yugi has decided to drop by for a visit. Activate the electric fence!"

"Yes, Sir!" said the guard

" I hope the gate isn't locked, let's try it out," Yugi said, touching the fence

BZZZZZZZZZZZZ!BAZZZZZZ!Snap! Crackle! Pop!

Yugi fell down, blackened and dead. The excessive hair gel in his spikes had conducted the electricity so much that Yugi's hair was on fire. Kaiba was laughing.

" BWAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he cackled.

Marik ran up to the extra crispy King of Games and grabbed the puzzle.

" YAY! Kaiba killed Yugi again. I get the puzzle! YAY! YAY!" Marik ran away like a sugar high schoolgirl with a crush, clutching the puzzle.

Yugi H8er: YAY! ME KILL YUGI! BUHAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAA!

(The End?) No.


	3. Chapter 3

20 ways of Killing Yugi-part three

Disclaimer: This is a purely fictional work. Some hotshot CEOs

Kaiba???

Not you, Seto, own Yu-Gi-Oh! I am simply twisting it for my sadistic pleasures.

Summary: Part three of 20. This chapter is by The Phoenix. Yugi lovers, GET THE FUCKING HELL OUT OF HERE! LEAVE! attack dogs chase Yugi Lovers.

One day, Yugi was expecting a delivery at the game shop. The driver called Yugi and said he would be about an hour late, his truck had broken down. Yugi was pacing when an idea came to him.

"Nothing else to do, might as well go to the park. Yami, could you watch the store?

Yami popped out of the puzzle and gave his answer. " Sure, aibou."

Yami started watching the shop as Yugi stepped out.

" My spycam in the game shop is being very useful," Kaiba said. "Yugi's going to the Park! Bwahahahaha!" Kaiba got in an 18 wheel truck and headed out.

" Here I come, Yugi!" he yelled.

Yugi was walking along an empty street. The Park was in sight, and Mokuba was on the swings. Yugi found it odd that he had a walkie-talkie, but he supposed that he was gonna call Seto or the driver to pick him up when he was done. He never saw it coming.

" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kaiba yelled. He hit the accelerator on the truck and slammed into Yugi, turning him into road kill. The puzzle, amazingly, was not squished. Yugi himself was another matter.

Marik ran from the slides after the Kaiba-driven truck was gone.

" YUGI DIED AGAIN! HERE, PUZZLE PUZZLE PUZZLE!" he grabbed his prize and ran away laughing.

Yugi was being eaten by Vultures

Some Street Dept. Road Kill Cleaners drove up in a Yellow SUV.

SD RKC 1 walked up to the flattened Yugi.

" I see Kaiba's been through here," he said.

" I wonder when he's gonna be satisfied," his partner replied, geting out the heavy-duty shop vac.

The shop vac started with a roar and sucked up Yugi's remains.

The vultures were pissed off. "CAW!" they cried, flying at the SD RKCs

SD RKC 1 got a gun. "DIE BIRDS!" he yelled, shooting them all. SD RKC 2 vaccumed up the leftovers.

Yugi and the Vultures were dead in a vaccum cleaner.

Street Department Road Kill Cleaners drove away in their yellow SUV.

Mokubawas swinging

Yami was waiting for the truck and Yugi.

THE END OF PART 3!

OK! Part 4 by Yugi h8er will be up soon!


	4. Chapter 4

20 Ways of Killing Yugi Part 4 

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Niether does my Big Brother.

Summary: Part 4 of 20 in this Yugi deathfic. written by Yugi h8er

One day little Yugi was out for a stroll keeping all senses alert for signs of a certain Seto Kaiba.

Later he saw an odd salesman trying to get people to sign up for his Hawaiian vacation. He looked very sad. Yugi, having his morals and all, thought that he could lend a hand.

"I'll sign up for your prize, I could use a vacation." Said Yugi.

"Thank you very much, you're very kind. I think it's time for the drawing. All right drumroll please… and the winner is Yugi Muto!"

"All right! I won!" Yugi then did an awkward dance "When do I leave?"

" Not just you, you can also take one friend."

'Perfect! That's no contest. I'll take Tea!' Yugi thought to himself.

" Tea, care to join me?" Asked Yugi.

" I'd love to," said Tea.

" Here you go kids, enjoy your trip. Plane leaves in an hour," said the salesman.

"Seto," said Mokuba on the phone, "the trap is set, everything is going as planned."

"Good," replied Seto, "I'll get to my fighter right away."

Two hours later as the plane glided over the ocean an announcement came over the loud speaker.

"Attention passengers, this is your captain speaking, we are nearing our destination and suggest that you fasten your seatbelts and look out the window to your left. We also remind you to SAY YOUR PRAYERS! MUHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!"

At that moment, they looked to their left and saw a fighter and two missiles heading straight for them, then they saw the front end of the plane was gone and was beside the jet. Yugi and Tea looked at each other and Tea said.

" Yugi, before I die I want to tell you something. I love you, Yugi. Kiss me."

And they kissed and then… BOOM! The explosion was followed by evil laughter from the Kaiba brothers.

Far below, Marik Ishtar was on a jetski on vacation himself. He heard the explosion and looked to the sky. He saw something gold falling towards him. It landed in front of him and he realized what it was.

"It's the puzzle!" exclaimed Marik. Then Marik did a demented little song and dance that goes something like this.

" Kaiba killed Yugi, I get the puzzle, I am so happy, Yugi is dead. Please do not take my puzzle away, you can not take my puzzle away!" He laughed and opened up a bottle of champaigne to celebrate while throwing confetti into the air.

Then he headed back to shore singing so that he too wouldn't die from the falling debris.

**THE END (**not)

Author's Notes: I AM DEMENTED! MUAHAHAHAHA! Oh, and chapter five will be up in about 2 minutes.

takes glass of champagne from Marik Thank you.

Remember to review!


	5. Chapter 5

20 Ways of Killing Yugi part 5 

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO! Takahashi no baka yarou!

Summary: Part 5. Yugi dies again. This chappie is written by The Phoenix

Yugi Mutou, King of Games, had had a fear of Amusement Parks for the past month. The Space Shot scared him. Which explained why he was blindfolded and being led around by a chain on his buckle. Yugi was at Disneyland and Grampa was just about to take him on the boat from their resort. Unfortunately, Seto Kaiba was going to the park at the same time and he sneered at Yugi's appearance.

" Tsk tsk tsk. Why Yugi, why did you switch with Wheeler? You look like a fucked up dog!"

" Can it, Kaiba. If you must know, I'm terrified of amusement parks,"replied Yugi calmly. He was staring at where he thought Seto was, but being blindfolded it turned out he was staring at the back of the boat operator's head.

" Poor King of Mutts," Seto said, shoving him towards the edge hard just as Yugi shouted

" YUGIOH!" By the time he hit the water, Yami was out of the puzzle and finding it hard to stay afloat.

" Aibou what the hell! You know I can't swi-" Yami said, cut off by a wave catching him and throwing him under. Which was a very bad thing. Yami went under just as the boat propellers went past and as a result he got his head lopped off. The Puzzle, being hollow, floated up to the surface now that its owner's head was gone. Marik had come out for a swim just as the boat left and swam up to the shiny thing that had just appeared on the water.

" YAY! It's the Puzzle!" he cried, somehow doing a victory dance on the water. Yugi just lay headless on the bottom of the cove, the occasional fish nibbling at him.

Notes: Erm, that was. . . weird. Anyway, due to the number of reveiws that will come from this, the next update PROBABLY won't have a chapter with it, but it WILL have responses to the reviews (assuming there aren't over 50).


	6. Chapter 6

20 Ways of Killing Yugi part 6 

Disclaimer: I don't have a bajillion dollars from this show so I guess its not mine… 



One day, when Yugi decided that he was tired of dying, he signed up for skydiving lessons in a different country so that he was sure Kaiba wouldn't know where he was, what he was doing, or if he was doing anything dangerous enough to get killed.

We all know that Yugi can't get lucky enough to survive one of these stories.

In the same skydiving school that Yugi planned on attending, Mokuba was enrolled as well. I guess the little guy wanted to get away from computers for a while.

The first day of school, Yugi went and found out that Mokuba was in his class. Then he was relieved to know that they weren't actually diving until the last day of class. The instructor was a friend of Kaiba's father. Poor Yugi!

So Mokuba had a talk with the instructor about pushing forward the first diving lesson. You know, to the following day? Anyways, when Mokuba got home that night, he talked to Seto about his sinister plan. Seto liked the idea of a parachute that, when pulled, doesn't open, but instead triggers a poking mechanism and plays a "song" that is really Kaiba laughing maniacally for the length of the fall.

Yugi thought that he had this class figured out. He would fake sick on the last day, but do excellent on his homework so that he doesn't fail the class. Too bad that he won't get a chance for homework… unless they give you homework wherever the dead anime people go.

The next day, Yugi walked into the school with a grin and whistling Yankee Doodle quite crappily since he isn't an American and he only heard the song once. He took his seat in the class and began to listen for the day's activities, wondering if recess and lunch would be longer today. Instead, he heard that they would be diving today. "Oh shit," Yugi said to himself. "I'm so dead."

When they were on the plane, Yugi kept as far away from Mokuba as possible. But the instructor, because he was getting payed well for this, assigned everyone partners. Of course Mokuba and Yugi were paired up. They were assigned their own parachute. Yugi didn't think much of it because it looked like every other parachute there. He thought maybe he was safe. Then he saw the pilot give them the heads up to jump. It was Kaiba.

"Oh craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap," said Yugi as he was pushed out of the plane by Mokuba. While they were falling, Mokuba seemed friendly when offering to let Yugi know just when to pull the parachute. It looked a little early to Yugi when he heard Mokuba scream "now!" Sure enough, it was. The laughing and the poking began and Yugi knew that his death was inevitable. Mokuba pulled his chute a little time later, tittering softly as the ground rapidly approached Yugi.

SPLAT! Went Yugi on the freshly tarred road. Coincidently enough, Marik was working for a construction company that was in charge of building the road that Yugi had landed on. "OOOOOOOOOO," said Marik as he saw the (somehow) unsmashed Millenium Puzzle lying on the ground next to Yugi's rotting carcass. Marik picked up the puzzle, did his creepy little dancing and singing number and, as if he already hadn't had enough of it, poked Yugi with a little stick. Then the vultures discovered the smell of fresh Yugi splat and came over. Marik was still poking Yugi when the vultures arrived. "Hey! No pecking my puzzle!" shouted Marik as the vultures chased him down. Just then a little bunny rabbit came across the carcass. Sniff sniff went the little bunny. "Phew! This doesn't exactly smell like a fresh lettuce patch," noted the bunny. So the bunny picked up the small stick that Marik had dropped and started poking Yugi with it. The vultures didn't like this. "Meep!" went the bunny.

Yugi twitched.

(The End?) nah. We still got more demented and twisted ideas for killing our poor little spiky-haired "friend".


	7. Chapter 7

**20 ways of Killing Yugi part 7**

**DISCLAIMER: Damn this is getting annoying. Don't own 'em.**

**Summary: Yugi dies for the 7th time. TO RECAP: To date, Yugi has been splattered from a roller coaster, fried by an electric fence, run over by a Mack Truck, blown up (with Tea) by Sidewinder missiles, had his head cut off by a boat, fell to his death in a skydiving "accident", and now this.**

Yugi Mutou, the victim of this story, was going to a High School Hockey game. The Domino High Guardians were playing the Vermillion High Shock. Tea, Mai, Marik, Mokuba and Ryou were coming with him. Seto, Joey and Tristan played on the team, so they obviously wouldn't be in the stands.

They had gotten seats just above the glass protection, on Yugi's theory that there was no way the puck could get hit that high. This idea sounded OK, so the group went along with it. Seto, Joey, and Tristan were in the starting lineup for the Guardians. Tristan was the goalie, Seto was a forward and Joey was the center.

The first two periods proved uneventful, but it was in the third period with the Guardians leading 3-2 that everyone around Yugi found a way to leave. Tea and Mai went to the bathroom, as did Mokuba. Ryou went to the concessions stand and Marik moved up a few rows for a better view. Once outside, Mokuba pulled out a walkie-talkie.

" NOW!" he said. The message was received by Seto through a headset in his helmet. He body checked a Shock defenseman and took the puck, zeroing in on his target. The puck flew over the glass, right into the chest of Yugi. He was blown backwards, and as he hit the wall, the puzzle flew off into the hands of a waiting Marik, who did a jig as he left the arena.

The other teens, vaguely aware of Yugi's demise, returned to their seats. Ryou passed out popcorn, soda and candy and they cheered on the Guardians to a 4-3 victory over the Shock.

Notes: Heh heh. Short, I know, but I don't care! He died and that's all that mattered. REVIEW, people!


	8. Chapter 8

20 Ways of KillingYugi part 8 

Disclaimer: Don't own this show.



By now, of course, Yugi was terrified of amusement parks. But, nonetheless, he had been convinced by Tea that their school's carnival, being held at Domino Pier, was perfectly safe. Even she knew she was wrong. She just didn't want to go to the carnival without him.

So the gang set out to the pier talking along the way about sneakers and curly fries. When they arrived, each exhausted from arguing which thing was better, they surveyed the carnival for signs of trouble (A.K.A. the Kaiba brothers) and rides that looked safe enough to survive. After finding no trace of harm, the group of friends entered the carnival without a care in the world. Sadly, it was this huge false sense of security that made the pals forget about the inevitable danger that they would soon face.

For at that very moment, Kaiba was in his own tent inside the carnival setting up the place where he would murder Yugi for the 8th time. After he was finished setting the stage for the ending of Yugi (not really, we still have 12 more chapters to write), Seto and Mokuba went and hid in the shadows near the food stall. This was after Seto gave Mokuba $200 from his wallet to purchase 100 corn dogs from the vendor. Then Seto took a knife from his pocket (don't get ahead of yourself, we never kill Yugi in a normal fashion), and started sharpening the ends of each of the corn dog's sticks.

"I'm hungry," said Yugi. "I second that motion!" said Joey. "I could really go for a funnelcake right about now," said Tristan. Tea just sighed and said, "Fine." So they set off to the food stall with no idea of what was in store for little Yugi.

"This is our chance, Mokuba," said Seto, "grab the corn dogs." When it was Yugi's turn in line, and Yugi's buddies were looking away, Kaiba snatched Yugi off his feet, knocked him out with a single blow to the head with a wooden mallet, and carried him off to the tent where he had set up Yugi's torture chamber. When Yugi woke up, he was chained to a very large dart board in a tent with Seto and Mokuba with large sinister grins on their faces. "Time to die little Yugi," said Kaiba, kinda sounding a bit like that fruit Pegasus.

Meanwhile, outside the tent, Marik was strolling through the carnival, browsing the tents to see if any of them would seem entertaining to a mind like his. Lo and behold, he should come upon the tent where Yugi was being held captive, the puzzle swinging from his neck; mesmerizing Marik to go inside. He took a seat on one of the bleachers there and took a lick of his cotton candy. Then the show began.

Kaiba took a sharpened corn dog from the large box that Mokuba was holding, (picture a box bigger than Mokuba himself) and aimed it at Yugi's left arm. He let it go with plenty of force and it hit Yugi right where Kaiba had meant it. "Ow, you stupid son of a monkey!" shouted Yugi. "No one calls my father a monkey!" screamed Kaiba, enraged. He ripped a corn dog from the box, almost squishing it before he could throw it, and aimed it carefully. Then he let it fly with all his might. It hit Yugi square in the male reproductive organ that I can't say because this is PG-13 (in case you don't know, it's a PENIS! little squirrel comes along with a pixie stick in hand Squirrel: "tee-he-he-he-he penis"). "EEEEEEEEEK!" screamed Yugi. (In squeaky high-pitched voice:) "It was just a figure of speech geez!"

Then corn dogs hit poor Yugi in the other arm, his legs, stomach, and finally, ending his life with the 100th corn dog, Kaiba chucked one at his head, ending his life for the 8th time.

After the Kaiba's had left and Marik had finished his cotton candy, he went over to Yugi's body, took a corn dog out of his left thigh, and took the puzzle from it's place around Yugi's neck. Then he started break dancing with moves not recommended to be seen by small children. Just then a seagull swooped into the tent, with the intent to grab the corndog from Marik's hand. Marik was used to fending off birds by now and took out a handgun from his pocket and, without looking, shot the gull right in the head. "Yeah, who's your daddy?" said Marik. Phoenix III (with disgust): Yikes… just yikes…

(The End) In a schoolgirl's voice Just kidding! sticks out tongue


	9. Chapter 9

**20 ways of Killing Yugi part 9**

**disclaimer: No es el mijo. Quiero, pero no tengo.**

Yugi was ever so bored in civics class. It didn't help that he was being picked on by the teacher because the teacher was a carbon copy of Shaquille O'Neal (cuz I don't want to be sued!), and Yugi was only about half the size of Shaq's left leg.

" Hey shorty!" said the teacher, for what had to have been the 100th time that class, " Where's the Empire State Building?"

" New Jersey City?" Yugi tried.

" WRONG! New YORK City!" the Shaq clone said, bouncing a basketball off Yugi's spiky head for the 101st time that class. " And since you can't answer, once again, any question about New YORK City," he said, towering over our diminuitive hero (so small he makes Yoda look like a giant), " You have to GO there and come back before the end of the week or else you gonna fail this class."

" Can you pay for it?" asked Yugi.

The Shaq clone picked him up by the tallest spike of his hair and hung him by his belt loop from the ceiling and then bonked him in the head again with the ball.

" That's a no," Yugi muttered to himself.

A day later Yugi found himself taxiing into LaGuardia Airport in New York City.

" Thank you for flying WenospeakEnglish Airlines," said the pilot over the intercom. " Please get off the plane now, and if you leave anything behind, we will take it back and use it in a sacrificial stew for a fertility ritual involving missing luggage, dead sheep and the 11th baby of a Viatnamese priestess. Good-bye."

Yugi's eyes twitched and left his lunch on his seat, he hadn't found the rotten cabbage, stale rice and cardboard scotcheroos entirely appealing. " They're welcome to it," he muttered, collecting his carry-on bag and leaving the plane. " I hope their babies have blonde eyes, green hair and 32 nipples."

After collecting his luggage and switching his return ticket to Japan Airlines, Yugi tried hailing a cab. And tried again. And kept trying until finally, sometime around Midnight (he had arrived at three p.m.), he managed to get someone to take him to the Holiday Inn.

At 7 the next morning, he decided not to bother with hailing a cab, choosing instead to walk to the Empire State Building. He did somehow manage to get through Times Square without getting snatched to star in midget porn movies, and continued towards his destination.

When he got within a block of the place, he saw a helicopter with a familiar symbol on the side landing on the top of the building. Yugi immediately craned his neck up…and up, and continued until he was nearly bent over backwards to wave at Kaiba when he got out of the chopper.

He saw Kaiba wave back, and dropped something so small Yugi figured it must be a note telling him that his civics teacher had been kidding and that he could go home now. But then the object got bigger…and bigger…and bigger, and then Yugi realized. It was no note.

" Hey," he said. " That's not a note, it's a-"

SPLAT! The bag of quarters did a very efficient job of smashing Yugi's head into the pavement of New York City. The puzzle easily punched through the thin flesh of the dead teen's neck, and also of punching through the bag of quarters. Some of the New Yorkers bent down to retrieve some of the quarters, but were deterred from that train of thought when a cab swerved onto the sidewalk at nearly breakneck speed, doing a donut around Yugi's corpse and running over several ignorant bystanders. Marik leapt from the cab and started collecting.

" Yay! Quarters!" he said, gathering the rolls and flinging them into the passenger seat of the cab. He then noticed the gold gleam of the puzzle calling to him.

" YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! PUZZLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!" Marik nabbed it from Yugi's chest and held it up, breaking out moves that were rarely seen outside of Riverdance. As for Yugi himself…

Someone eventually got around to identifying him and shipping his corpse back to Domino. This was done by a one-vote margin on the City Council, with the losing faction wanting simply to dump the idiot's body into the Hudson River.

Six months later, the tectonic disturbance from the impact of the bag of quarters with Yugi's head caused a massive earthquake on the East Coast and destroyed New York City, with all of its history and crappy salsas.

**End of Part 9.**


	10. Chapter 10

20 Ways of Killing Yugi part 10 

Disclaimer: Me no owney Yoo-gee-ohh



"Could you go get the mail for me, Yugi?" asked Grandpa. "Sure Grandpa," Yugi repiled. Yugi went outside to the street curb and opened the mailbox as he did nearly every other day and found only one letter. Oddly enough, the letter was addressed to Yugi. This was strange because usually Yugi never got any mail. "What is there in the mail today?" asked Grandpa. "There's only a letter for me," replied Yugi. "Odd," said Grandpa, "you hardly ever get any mail." "I know," said Yugi.

Yugi went up to his room in the top of the game shop and opened the letter he had received. Yugi almost had a heart attack when he learned that the letter was from the Domino National Guard. As Yugi read on, he discovered that he was needed on the battlefront of the war against Durem Island. It was requested that he go to the National Guard armory and show the I.D. card that had been enclosed in the letter. He did so and as a result, he found himself being shipped off to boot camp.

Little did Yugi know, but there was no war against Durem Island. Durem Island doesn't even exist. Maybe if he payed more attention in civics he would have known this (he also would have known that the Empire State Building was in New York City, and wouldn't have gotten squished by a bag of quarters falling from 100 stories up). The real deal was that Kaiba had payed many members of the outlying communities and some of the Domino citizens to be a part of a fake battle. Do you know how many times Yugi wouldn't have had to die if Kaiba wasn't uber rich?

Yugi sensed something was wrong when he was supplied with tomatoes as weapons. He was told that the enemy islanders hated them so he didn't know any better. His uniform was baggy and uncomfortable, and his helment was way too big so that he could not see where he was chucking his tomatoes.

When Yugi arrived on the front lines, soon after he saw many of the people of Domino's army "die" in front of him (you wouldn't believe how realistic red paintballs look on contact), he went straight to his tomato bunker. He kept blindly throwing tomatoes until the sound of evil laughter ensued him. He looked up and saw 6 guns poking their barrels into his tomato bunker. "I surrender!" Yugi yelled as his hands shot straight up into the air. "Stupid tomatoes," Yugi muttered as he was led to a "P.O.W. camp" which was actually an abandoned warehouse of Kaiba Corp's. He was chained up inside a large bird cage, unable to move. Then the door opened and, to Yugi's shock (not), came Seto Kaiba all dressed up as a four star general for the "Durem Republic".

"Heh heh heh heh heh," Kaiba chuckled. "We meet again, little Yugi," said Kaiba. "Seto Kaiba," Yugi replied, "Why am I not surprised." "Because I've killed you nine times before, that's why you're not surprised," Kaiba retorted. "And this time, I plan on making your misery painfully long," said Kaiba. "The weapon!" he shouted to his "comrades". "Yes sir!" they all barked back. Yugi could only watch as the feather was brought into view on a delicate pillow. "NOOOOO!" screamed the helpless Yugi, "Not tickle torture, anything but that!" Kaiba chuckles "Play it." "Right away, sir," said a soldier holding a tape player that Yugi just now realized. Barney Song plays "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my poor little ears!" said the Yugi that wanted to kill himself right at that moment.

So Kaiba went to work delicately tickling Yugi for a full hour and then, handed the crazed Yugi a baseball bat and uncuffed his hands. Yugi did what anyone would do. He beat the crap out of himself to put him out of his misery. Kaiba walked out of the complex to meet Marik at the entrance. "Please please pleeeeease?" said Marik. Sigh "Fine," said Kaiba, tossing the key to Yugi's cage to Marik. "WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Marik who then ran into the building, unlocked the cage, took the puzzle, and again, danced creepily and obscenely. Phoenix III: Smack! This needs to stop you fiendish villain! Marik makes a puppy dog face Phoenix III: That crap doesn't work on me, I wrote this story! "Fine, I'll stop," said Marik. Then he left, leaving Yugi's body in the cage: baseball bat still in hand.

(The End) Half of it…


End file.
